What Teenagers Want Most from Their Parents: Parenting Tips for Teens

I hear a common complaint over and over again from my teenage clients - "My parents just don't get it." I repeatedly hear about teenagers attempting to reach out for support from their parents, and despite the very best of intentions, parents just fully missing the mark.

Contrary to what many parents fear, teens aren’t secretly wishing for total freedom from rules or wanting to shut them out completely. The number one thing teenagers long for from their parents, and my number one tip for parenting teens, is something far simpler—but also much harder to give in the heat of the moment: to be seen, heard, and validated.

This doesn’t mean agreeing with every choice they make or condoning unhealthy behavior. It means recognizing that their feelings and experiences are real, even if they don’t make sense to you.

When a teenager opens up to their parents, what they don’t want is:

• Punishment for their feelings or experiences. Feelings themselves aren’t wrong—they’re signals. Punishing a teen for expressing them teaches them to hide instead of communicate.

• Quick fixes. Parents often jump to problem-solving out of love, but for teens, this can feel like you’re brushing past their experience.

• Control or rushing their process. Growth, healing, and self-understanding take time. Pushing them to “just get over it” usually backfires.

  
  

Unfortunately, when teenagers receive these types of responses when they seek support from parents, it causes them to withdraw and shut down, feeling that they will not get the kind of support they are seeking. This leads to a vicious cycle of frustration and further disconnection on both sides.

So what do teenagers want? The top requests I hear from teenagers regarding their needs from their parents include:

1. Listen without interrupting. Resist the urge to jump in with advice or corrections. Let them finish their thought completely before you respond.

2. Acknowledge their feelings—even if you don’t understand them. You can say, “I can tell this is really important to you,” or “It sounds like that was really upsetting.” You don’t have to get it to get them.

3. Ask before offering advice. Try: “Do you want me to just listen right now, or would you like ideas on how to handle this?” This gives them agency in the conversation.

4. Validate the experience, not necessarily the behavior.You can recognize that they’re hurting without approving of risky choices. For example: “I can see how you felt pressured in that moment” is different from “It’s okay you skipped school.”

5. Sit in the discomfort with them. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply be there—on the couch, in the car, or at the kitchen table—without forcing the conversation to end neatly.

Your teen’s world is full of changes, pressures, and emotions they’re still learning to navigate. They don’t expect you to have all the answers—but they do hope you’ll walk alongside them without judgment, without rushing, and without trying to steer the wheel for them.

When a teenager feels truly seen, heard, and validated, they’re more likely to share openly, seek your guidance when they’re ready, and develop the confidence to face life’s challenges with resilience. So while parenting a teen can at times feel extremely overwhelming and complicated, this part is quite simple. Offering your empathetic and nonjudgmental validation of their experience, without consequence or solutions, can go a long way in helping your teen feel connected and supported.

If you're ever not sure what your teen wants, or feel that your attempts to help them are just not landing, the simple question of "what do you need from me" can go a long way. Just the willingness to understand their needs and offer the kind of support that is most wanted in that moment can lead to a deeper sense of connection and the feeling of validation and support.